“When did we become so small and so apologetic? Why do we apologize for our humanity? Love what you love, and make no apologies. This is your identity. The most horrendous suspensions of freedom are self-imposed. We imprision ourselves daily, hourly. We have one life, one shot at all the glorious things of life, and we walk about constricted, apologetic, afraid. We have so little time; we have so little space upon which to spread our love and our talents and our kindness. Run toward life fulsomely and freely. It runs from us so quickly, like a frightened dog or youth or daylight. Chase it and care for it.”
Tennessee Williams, We Have One Life
We are a part of the universe and our day by day life for most of us makes us feel locked in, constricted, stuck in the same routine. Not all people want to live that way and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to fulfill your life, your world with what fills you inside and make no apologies. I have always admired the people out there that are themselves so freely and never keep in one place. Wanderers. Yet sometimes, people search their entire lives for what’s been there the whole time; themselves. Maybe that’s all some people need in life to fulfill themselves. To know everything’s going to be alright.
I have always believed that life was not meant for me. I was not against living, just against living for no reason. I didn’t think life would do any good for me. I thought I was better off somewhere outside this universe. I didn’t hate myself (too much) but I hated the world for putting me in a position that I wouldn’t be able to ever fully understand. I learned the hard way that everything has a reason. Whether it’s one sided or not. There is a reason for all things in this world. We may not know exactly how the world was created or how the sun shines so bright and fills our lives with light, but we know that it benefits us and that it is for us. That is the reason.
And somehow I learned to love life. Even though I am still not able to understand why or how completely, I know enough to keep me thru the day. And I am thankful for that. To be a part of the world.
I always apologized to others for my thoughts, words, and actions when I meant them with everything inside of me. I always said sorry for hurting myself, others, and anything that came in my path when truly, I had no remorse. I honestly did not care if you were hurt while in my way to get what I wanted. It may be bad, but it’s true.
I am afraid of life. I have faith in certain things, but I am still scared. I’m scared that someone will run away from life. I’m afraid that I might not wake up. The world is too powerful to not be afraid of it. It is capable of so many more things than we are.
But since we’re all alive, I suppose we should welcome it and care for it as it does for us. Go out and do what makes you happy, not what anyone else does to make them happy. We are all our own person, codependent or not, we all have something or someone that brings us joy. Let’s all intoxicate ourselves with happiness.
Quietly Vibrant 